I haven't been myself lately. I didn't recognize why right away, maybe it was wishful thinking. With depression, you always hope it doesn't come back.
I know that I have not had it as bad as some of my friends and family who have also struggled with this. When it got to be too dark for me the last time, I went to a counselor for talk therapy. I changed some things in my life around, and for the most part, it has worked.
I never had to be on medication for my depression; I was aware that there would be a lot of side effects and that I might have to try a few different ones just to find one that would work for me. I didn't want to go that route because I felt for my depression, much of it was due to patterns of behavior and thinking I had gotten into. When I was able to break those, the dark moods were beatable.
This week, though, I started out Monday feeling like a wreck. It was my day off and I wanted to try to accomplish something, but that was not happening. I tried to blog and barely got through a single paragraph. I ended up watching TV most of the day and had a glass of wine around 3 to get through the rest of it. I even cried just a little. That was the sign to me that something was off. This could just be due to hormones, it is around "that time." That's what I'm hoping.
I haven't been taking very good care of myself either. I'm out of shape and that discourages me. I'm going to try and get a bit healthier and see if that will help stabilize me. It helps that this isn't anywhere near as bad as when I went through it before. I'm also prepared to face it down in any case. It will not define or beat me, I kicked its ass once before.
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