Better With Age

Sixteen days from now, I will be 29. The last twenty-something birthday I'll have. This is the time of year I begin to freak out, have crying fits and generally refuse to interact with anyone whatsoever. This year?

I couldn't care less.

My birthday used to be a tallying of what I had accomplished compared to what I desperately wanted to be done. Around here, it's not unusual to have married your high school sweetheart and start a family before most people have graduated college. Three of my friends were married by age 20 and another was with the man she would eventually marry.

Me? Not so much. My first date was around 19ish. After that, nothing until 24. I failed hard for the next 3 years and it hurt a lot. Part of why was because the margin for error seemed razor-thin. Some things you don't learn until you actually do them; dating and relationships definitely fall in that category. When I did make mistakes in that area, I got the feeling from a lot of people as if they were saying, "You should have known better! Get with it already!" How was I to know without doing it?

Books? Movies? TV? They all have a happy ending and the message is "If you just try hard enough it'll happen."

My friends? See the second full paragraph here. Not getting a long-term relationship and eventual marriage in your early twenties was the exception where I used to live, not the norm.

Contentment came when I quit judging my life against what I thought was my ideal life. I stopped listening to people that had their own opinions of where I should be. I quit trying so hard to be something I wasn't and just let what I truly enjoyed doing bubble up. 

My job isn't what a lot of people would think is a good job, but here's a secret: I love it and I take pride in doing it well.

I'm mostly debt-free with only a car loan and no student loans and have a tidy amount saved up against a rainy day. I'm in a good place to actually help others beyond, "You'll be in my good thoughts" or "I'll pray for you".

I'm with an awesome man that respects me. We keep our word to each other and there's no secrets. Relationships are so much better between a man and a woman vs a boy and a girl.

No, I'm not where I thought I would be at 29. And I would not trade it for anything, not in a lifetime.